It's a Mommy Thing

I went to Target Tuesday to purchase... err... a Feminine Personal Product (FPP). It's been a while since I needed any and in my absence it seems as if the FPP market exploded. The variety is mind boggling and call me simple if you wish, but I couldn't distinguish the difference between the Regular and the Sports version. I just grabbed a box and threw it in the cart and headed for home.

My first phone call was to Shana to see if she knew the difference. Nope.
Erin? Nope.

When Truong came home, I even showed him the box and asked him if he saw a difference. In my quest to find the answer to Regular vs. Sport, I unintentionally (more like foolishly) waved the box in front of Kael. That of course opened the flood gates:

Kael: What's that Mommy?
Truong and I shared a looked of "Oh god, what have I done?" Well, Truong's was more like "Ha-ha, let's see you answer that one." I play the Let's Ignore Him and Maybe He'll Change The Subject game. I'm not so lucky.

Kael: MOMMY! What's in the box?

Me: Umm. It's for Mommy.
That's another one of my games: Be Vague. It's successful about 10% of the time.

Kael: What's it for?

Me: It's just for Mommy, honey. Please eat your dinner.

Kael: What do you do with it?

Truong: Yes, Mommy. What do you do with it?
If looks could harm and maim, Truong would have been writhing on the kitchen floor.

I'm quiet, trying to think of an answer. In the meantime, Kael realizes he's hit the motherlode and continues to ask: What's it for? Where do you put it? What do you do with it? Huh, Mom, huh? HUH??

I interrupt him and tell him "Let's call Ms. Shana and ask her!" Shana usually comes up with pretty good answers and even though the DiDodo truth can be distressing at times (remember "Kael, your silkworms are DEAD"?) it's still better than my dodge and evade tactics.

So we call Shana:
Me: Hey Shana, Kael's got a question for you.

Shana: (pause) Okkaaayyy.
She clearly knows something's up.

Me: Remember my purchase at Target today and I asked you about Regular vs. Sport? Well, I showed Truong the box and Kael saw it.

Shana: Well, why'd you show it in front of Kael? You know he's going to ask about it! You should have waited until later!
Thanks, Shana. Tell me something I don't already know. And that's not helping me in the least!!

Me: (trying to be patient because Kael is listening with great interest) Well, at any rate... now he wants to know what it's used for. Can you answer him, please?

Shana: (longer pause) Oh god. I don't want to answer that! Just tell him it's for Mommies Only!

Me: I already told him that and he's not buying it. He's asking what's it for, what do I do with it, and where does it go.

Shana: Oh geez. Hold on, let me ask Patrick.

Me: NONONO! DON'T ASK PATRICK! DON'T ASK PATRICK!!
But does she ever listen to me?

Shana: Hey, Hon! Sonya bought a box of [FPP's] and Kael's asking about it. What should she tell him?
I'm on the other line, holding my head in my hands, thinking: Why me? I can't believe she shared this with Patrick.

Patrick: Just tell him it's a Mommy Band-Aid.
Huh. That was a pretty good answer, actually. I was quite floored.

Patrick: Ask them if they want to go for ice cream.

What a great idea. If we met up with the DiDodo's, Kael could ask to his heart's content, face to face and I wouldn't have to field the questions on my own. So we all meet at Baskins and get our ice cream. Kael hadn't brought it up yet, but I knew once we got home, there's a good chance that his memory would kick in and the embarrassing questions would come up again. So I remind him to ask Ms. Shana about The Box. Ryan and Kael are both there, staring at Shana very intently. I've never seen the boys so focused, so riveted. Sure, we can talk letters and numbers, and manners and rules, until the cows come home but do they ever pay attention? No. We talk about FPP's and all of a sudden, they're all ears.

Shana: It's something just for Mommies. Only Mommies use them.
The boys are hanging on to her every word, mouths slightly hanging open.

Shana: It's... a Mommy Thing.
I mouth to her Mommy Thing?! And roll my eyes to the back of my head. But she says it with such confidence that I see the boys nodding their heads.

And then Ryan turns to me and says, very seriously: Ms. Sonya. It's a Mommy Thing.
And nods his head like as if to say that's that!

So the lesson I learned that night: It's not what you say that matters. It's how you say it.