What a day! The kids woke up at 5:52am and the day didn't end until Kael went to bed at... well, actually he's still up, talking our ear off. I don't know how that kid takes in enough oxygen to feed the brain with the way he's constantly talking and talking and talking. He just finished a variety of art projects for his grandma and his uncles, and now we're trying to talk up the merits of taking a shower before heading off to bed. I have gladly handed off that duty to Dad.
I should have gotten a clue about how the day was going to be this morning when Kael informed me that he didn't want me to make him a lunch. He wanted a school lunch instead. I'm thinking to myself "what's wrong with my food?!" So at 7:23am, I called the preschool to inquire about the lunch menu and was told today was going to be a Turkey Dog, bag of Doritos, grapes and milk day. Hmmm... let's see: meat parts and bits squeezed in what is essentially an edible pantyhose or all natural, zero trans-fat peanut butter with organic, no sugar added fruit jelly on whole grain wheat bread. There's no question - he picked the meat parts and bits.
After dropping Kael off at school, Malia and I went to the pediatrician's office to pick up a lab slip for some tests for Malia. With her slow weight gain and weird looking poops (we'll get into that later) she's getting tested for cystic fibrosis (very unlikely), celiac disease and malabsorption. Since it was relatively early in the morning (9am) the wait for the blood test was only 30 minutes so I decide to just get it done. Malia was happily playing and flirting with everyone in the waiting room... and then it was our turn. How quickly the tide turns. She freaked out when the tech held out her arms to check her veins. She wigged out even more when another tech came to hold her arm out. She just about shattered glass when I bear hugged her to keep her from thrashing. Poor baby, I didn't think she could get any louder -- and then they inserted the needle. I think she's scarred for life in regards to the whole medical profession. She's still pretty hysterical when they bandage her up, and when I walk out into the waiting room, I see about 5 kids all staring at us with their eyes as wide as dinner plates, scared to death. It was kind of funny in a dark sort of way.
Test 1 - Completed
She falls asleep in the car and I transfer her to the crib. Here's where her true disposition shines through. On days when we're doing nothing - absolutely nothing - she won't nap even though she clearly needs to. And on days when Kael's in school and we need to leave the house by 11:45am to pick him up, she will nap so deeply and so soundly that I feel awful for waking her up. Since she had such a traumatic morning, I let her sleep but stare at the monitor, willing her to wake up through my ESP powers. She wakes at 11:45am and I think "Hallelujah - we may not be late after all!" And then I discover she pooped. Why am I surprised, I wonder, after all she is in her favorite pooping spot. But this is good as I need her poop to complete Test 2. Her poops have been mostly food pieces and not so much poop, if you can visualize that. That's an indication of malabsorption, and how they find out is scooping a poop sample, placing it into a liquid filled jar, shaking it up and seeing how it, well, floats. So here I am in the bathroom at 11:50am with 2 sample jars on the sink, latex gloves on my hands, and several long wooden, flat sticks laid out, ready to scoop. I look at Malia and try to come up with a game plan before taking her diaper off to minimize smearing. I decide to clean her off as much as possible with the diaper and scoop off my bounty from the diaper. I get the deed done and the specimen cups are securely capped and bagged. Now I have a dilemma: I need to pick up Kael (we're so late) but do I really want to drive around with poop in my car?? Plus the lab closes at 12pm, reopening at 1pm so not only would I have to drive around with poop in my car, but I'd have to drive around with poop in my car for AN HOUR!! And is there a shelf life to poop? Am I supposed to, I don't know, keep it on ice or something like a body part? In the end, I get a cooler, put an ice pack in there and place the bag of poop in it. Before you think "I'm never EVER going to picnic with them" please know that the poop is in the sealed lab bag, in a gallon ziplock bag, in a paper bag, in the cooler.
Test 2 - Completed
I pick Kael up, go run some errands and head back to the lab at 1:30pm. I park and think how am I going get this sample up to the lab on the second floor? It's about 100 degrees out, I'm hot, Malia's hungry, Kael's amped from school and I'm not about to take our cooler up to the lab and pull out a bag of poop. So I take out the lab bag, hitch Malia on my hip and ask Kael to hold onto my shorts as we walk across the parking lot.
Of course what's the first think that comes out of his mouth: "Mom, what's that in the bag?"
Me: "Uhh, Malia's sample for the doctor."
Kael: "Samples of what, Mom?"
Here's the thing: I don't want to tell him I have her poop in the bag. I just (1) don't want to give him any ideas and (2) have him tell everyone he runs into for the next few months that we carried Malia's poop in a bag across the parking lot.
Me: "Just stuff the doctor needs, baby."
Kael: "What kind of stuff, Mom?"
Me: "Just stuff, OK??!!"
Jeez, save me from kids and their endless questions. We walk into the lab, there's a ton of people and here I am with 2 kids and a big bag of poop, which I plunk down on the counter. I try to be as inconspicuous as possible but it's kind of hard with Malia and Kael playing peek-a-boo around me and the technician lifting the bag to the light (much like you would a bag of goldfish) to read the paperwork inside so he wouldn't have to open the bag to retrieve it. God, it was so embarrassing - I hope I don't have to go back there again.
We are finally on our way home, Malia's starved and getting fussy, it's way past Kael's nap and we have swimming tonight. I decide to toss Kael in the shower first, quickly start feeding Malia while he's cleaning up, get him into bed then put her down. It's a perfect use time where every second is efficiently planned. Like a dance.
Until Kael yells out from the shower: "MOM I HAVE TO POOP!" and throws a wrench in the whole damn thing.
After dropping Kael off at school, Malia and I went to the pediatrician's office to pick up a lab slip for some tests for Malia. With her slow weight gain and weird looking poops (we'll get into that later) she's getting tested for cystic fibrosis (very unlikely), celiac disease and malabsorption. Since it was relatively early in the morning (9am) the wait for the blood test was only 30 minutes so I decide to just get it done. Malia was happily playing and flirting with everyone in the waiting room... and then it was our turn. How quickly the tide turns. She freaked out when the tech held out her arms to check her veins. She wigged out even more when another tech came to hold her arm out. She just about shattered glass when I bear hugged her to keep her from thrashing. Poor baby, I didn't think she could get any louder -- and then they inserted the needle. I think she's scarred for life in regards to the whole medical profession. She's still pretty hysterical when they bandage her up, and when I walk out into the waiting room, I see about 5 kids all staring at us with their eyes as wide as dinner plates, scared to death. It was kind of funny in a dark sort of way.
Test 1 - Completed
She falls asleep in the car and I transfer her to the crib. Here's where her true disposition shines through. On days when we're doing nothing - absolutely nothing - she won't nap even though she clearly needs to. And on days when Kael's in school and we need to leave the house by 11:45am to pick him up, she will nap so deeply and so soundly that I feel awful for waking her up. Since she had such a traumatic morning, I let her sleep but stare at the monitor, willing her to wake up through my ESP powers. She wakes at 11:45am and I think "Hallelujah - we may not be late after all!" And then I discover she pooped. Why am I surprised, I wonder, after all she is in her favorite pooping spot. But this is good as I need her poop to complete Test 2. Her poops have been mostly food pieces and not so much poop, if you can visualize that. That's an indication of malabsorption, and how they find out is scooping a poop sample, placing it into a liquid filled jar, shaking it up and seeing how it, well, floats. So here I am in the bathroom at 11:50am with 2 sample jars on the sink, latex gloves on my hands, and several long wooden, flat sticks laid out, ready to scoop. I look at Malia and try to come up with a game plan before taking her diaper off to minimize smearing. I decide to clean her off as much as possible with the diaper and scoop off my bounty from the diaper. I get the deed done and the specimen cups are securely capped and bagged. Now I have a dilemma: I need to pick up Kael (we're so late) but do I really want to drive around with poop in my car?? Plus the lab closes at 12pm, reopening at 1pm so not only would I have to drive around with poop in my car, but I'd have to drive around with poop in my car for AN HOUR!! And is there a shelf life to poop? Am I supposed to, I don't know, keep it on ice or something like a body part? In the end, I get a cooler, put an ice pack in there and place the bag of poop in it. Before you think "I'm never EVER going to picnic with them" please know that the poop is in the sealed lab bag, in a gallon ziplock bag, in a paper bag, in the cooler.
Test 2 - Completed
I pick Kael up, go run some errands and head back to the lab at 1:30pm. I park and think how am I going get this sample up to the lab on the second floor? It's about 100 degrees out, I'm hot, Malia's hungry, Kael's amped from school and I'm not about to take our cooler up to the lab and pull out a bag of poop. So I take out the lab bag, hitch Malia on my hip and ask Kael to hold onto my shorts as we walk across the parking lot.
Of course what's the first think that comes out of his mouth: "Mom, what's that in the bag?"
Me: "Uhh, Malia's sample for the doctor."
Kael: "Samples of what, Mom?"
Here's the thing: I don't want to tell him I have her poop in the bag. I just (1) don't want to give him any ideas and (2) have him tell everyone he runs into for the next few months that we carried Malia's poop in a bag across the parking lot.
Me: "Just stuff the doctor needs, baby."
Kael: "What kind of stuff, Mom?"
Me: "Just stuff, OK??!!"
Jeez, save me from kids and their endless questions. We walk into the lab, there's a ton of people and here I am with 2 kids and a big bag of poop, which I plunk down on the counter. I try to be as inconspicuous as possible but it's kind of hard with Malia and Kael playing peek-a-boo around me and the technician lifting the bag to the light (much like you would a bag of goldfish) to read the paperwork inside so he wouldn't have to open the bag to retrieve it. God, it was so embarrassing - I hope I don't have to go back there again.
We are finally on our way home, Malia's starved and getting fussy, it's way past Kael's nap and we have swimming tonight. I decide to toss Kael in the shower first, quickly start feeding Malia while he's cleaning up, get him into bed then put her down. It's a perfect use time where every second is efficiently planned. Like a dance.
Until Kael yells out from the shower: "MOM I HAVE TO POOP!" and throws a wrench in the whole damn thing.
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