These shoes were made for walking.

And that's just what they'll do.
So let me outta this stroller! NOW!

That's Malia's new song. Or maybe her motto. All I know is she's a serious handful and a half in public places.

She refuses to sit in the stroller. Or the shopping cart. She won't even let me carry her. She wants to walk on her own, unassisted, free of the bonds of hand-holding. Which is good (who doesn't want their kid to be independent?) -- but only at certain times and in certain places.

The park: Good
Costco: Bad
Getting the mail: Good
The mall during Christmas rush: Bad. Very bad.
The grocery store, canned soup aisle: Need I say more?

I dread going anywhere with her. I used to be able to bribe her with fruits. Then treats. And, yes, I will admit to using candy. Unfortunately she's on to me and now refuses all forms of sustenance. I lift her up to place her into the cart and she immediately spreads out her legs to prevent me from seating her, while screaming NO NO NO NO! So I angle her and get her feet in but then she arches her back so I get her stuck half-in, half-out. Stinker. I take her out and scold her then try again. Usually by the third attempt one of two things will happen:

1) I give up and have her walk. Five to ten minutes into whatever I'm doing, wherever I'm going, I start to regret my decision. I spend most of my time saying: "Come on, Malia, follow Mommy! Come on, Peanut, come on!" (which coincidentally is the name of Shana's dog but unlike Malia, Peanut the Dog actually comes when you call her). What should be a 20 minute trip turns into a 45 minute cat-and-mouse, dare I take 3 steps back to get that box of cereal but risk losing sight of her because she's so fast or should I pick her up and risk the Wrath of Malia, shopping ordeal.

2) I assert my Mommy Authority and wedge her into the shopping cart and snap on that seat belt, thus preventing her (some of the time anyway) from wiggling out. I have to keep a close eye on her though because she is so very wiggly and can get out. The satisfaction I get from snapping that buckle is short lived. The high pitched shrieking starts immediately and will continue for the entire duration of the torturous shopping trip. That would torturous for everyone involved: Malia, me, the other shoppers. She screams like I'm pulling out her fingernails. Unfortunately, I've taken a stand and I can't reverse my position. So no matter how loudly she screams, no matter how many horrified looks I get from my fellow shoppers, no matter how many times she comes close to hyperventilating because she's screaming so loudly she can't take a breath, she must remain strapped in the cart.

Today as we walked into Toys R Us, we passed a row of carts. She was holding my hand and she pointed to the carts and said: "Mama, carts! No no no! (vigorously shaking her head)". She said it several times. It was all I could do to not bust out laughing. It was clearly obvious that she was going for the preemptive No, don't waste your time, Mom, it ain't gonna happen.

And she was right. After 20 minutes of screaming and one accidental phone call to Erin where all she heard on her voice mail was of a child screaming, I ended up compromising with Malia: she allowed me to carry her with a few short walking breaks.

Bottom line: It's a good thing you can order almost everything on-line for delivery, including groceries. A good thing indeed.