His name is Horsey. Pink Horsey.

I've been trying to get Malia attached to a lovey since birth. I've bought dozens of blankets of different sizes, different fabrics, satin lined, taggied, flannel on one-side, animal head at the end. I've tried them all. And she's rejected them all. I was pretty disappointed as I thought if she had a lovey, she'd sleep better, longer. Meaning, I wouldn't be the Human Pacifier anymore. It was especially hard while traveling. I had given up all hope of relinquishing my title.

Then November 2007, Thanksgiving trip to the Bay Area. We took the kids (all 5 of them) to Toys R Us where Truong allowed her to select a stuffed animal.

Meet Horsey. (Full name: Pink Horsey)



I made it my mission to have them fall in love. I'd have her hold it while nursing. I'd cradle it (I mean "him") while reading her a bedtime story. I'd remind her to push him in the toy stroller. I made sure they slept together. And most importantly, I continued the "arranged marriage" at home.

And it worked! She gradually fell more and more in love with him. But she was no Linus by any means. She was perfectly content to leave him in her crib when she woke. But she would ask for him to hold when it was story time.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that she started to take him out with her. I'd see him in Kael's room. Or in my room. Occasionally he'd make it as far as downstairs. But that wasn't often. Then Spring Break 2008 -- he traveled a lot with us. He made it to the beaches of Santa Cruz (as in on the sand, almost to the water before I told her Horsey doesn't like the waves so she left him with me on the blanket). He almost came to Gilroy Gardens with us. There were a few tantrums thrown because while they were allowed to sleep together, they weren't allowed to shower together.

I made the comment to Truong that she seemed to be getting very attached to Horsey, that we should get another one just in case Horsey #1 met an untimely death. He pfshh'ed me and said one is enough, she doesn't need anymore. Stupidly I listened to him.

Fast forward to last week. We had a long playdate with Megan and Parker. It was 3:00pm before we left and 3:30pm before I put her down (Malia's naptime was overshot by over 2 hours). She was so tired that she slept through an outfit change and a face, hands and feet wash. I didn't bother with story time and settled on just rocking her for a few minutes. I carried her (asleep) to her crib to get Horsey...

And he wasn't there.

Crap. I look around her room. He's nowhere to be seen. Oh well. She's too tired anyway. So I lay her down and pat her tummy. She's dead asleep. I slowly take my hand away and take a few seconds to gaze lovingly at her face. What a sweet baby! As I make my move to walk away, she slowly turned her face to the right. (I freeze, wondering what's she doing.) Then she slowly turns her face to the left. (My breath catches in fear.) And then my heart plummets: "Horsey? Where's Horsey?"

Shit. I quickly rub her tummy again, quietly shushing her, telling her to go back to sleep, you don't need Horsey, you're tired, go to sleep. Sure, it took me almost 2 years to get that attachment going, but come on! It's 3:30pm and I'm tired!

"Horsey? Where's Horsey?"

She looks to the right again, but this time further down the crib. She does the same to the left side. All while I'm frantically (but outwardly calmly) rubbing her and telling her to go back to sleep. Finally she struggles to sit up.

"Mama, where's horsey?"

SHIT! So I tell her, "Lie back down, I'll go get Horsey," while in the back of my mind I'm thinking if I take long enough maybe she'll fall asleep. No dice. She says "OK Mama, find Horsey. Where's Horsey?" and proceeds to sit up and wait for me.

So I run to my room: Horsey? No Horsey.
I run past her room where I can her chanting: "Horsey? Where's Horsey?"
The study: Horsey? No Horsey.
Kael's room: Horsey? No Horsey.
She's still chanting "Horsey? Where's Horsey?"

Where the *F* is that stupid horse?? I take a chance and run downstairs. Not in the living room. Not in the kitchen. Hell, I even check the garage and he's not there. I'm cursing Truong that he convinced me not to get another Horsey. Somehow this is his fault. I don't know how, I just know that it is! I glance at the couch and see a flash of pink. I throw off the cushions and find Horsey, buried.

Thank god! It's like I won the lottery. I can still hear her chanting "Horsey? Where's Horsey?" so I race back upstairs and all but thrust him in her face. The look of complete happiness and the "ahhh! Horsey!" that she uttered before saying "Goodnight mama, naptime!" made it crystal clear to me: I needed to find another Horsey, or 3.

The next morning I took her to Toys R Us (TRU) to get another Horsey. But there wasn't another Horsey. I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach. What if they don't have any more? What if Horsey was last year's model and they are no longer in stock, no longer in production? Am I going to have to search Ebay to buy that stupid $6.99 horse for $50 now?!

I go home empty handed. In a slight panic. I'm now extra careful with Horsey. I take notes of where he's at and when I can, I toss his pink ass back in her crib. I don't let Kael play with him, not even touch him. I don't want Kael to understand the hold Horsey's got over his sister and use that knowledge to his advantage (don't get lured to the Dark Side, my son). Saturday rolls around and I take her to another TRU. As we walk to the stuffed animal section, Malia spies the new Wonder Pets toys. Her eyes bug out and she reverently whispers: "Linny... Tuck... Ming-Ming!" It was so funny. I hand her all 3 stuffed toys and she's got the biggest grin in her face as she struggled to hold onto all 3 and walk at the same time. As she plays with the Wonder Pets, I search the animal bin for Horsey #2. Nothing. Shit! I search it again. And finally a third time, but this time, I take out all the animals and place them back one by one.

Hallelujah. I found a Horsey! Buried in the way back corner under all the new 2008 Horsey's. I couldn't believe my luck. I showed Malia and her eyes bugged out again, like "Where have you been?" kind of look. Unfortunately I was only able to find one Horsey but at least I've got a back-up.

Here's a picture of Malia with Horsey #2, Linny, Tuck and Ming-Ming on the way home. She wouldn't let them go long enough to get scanned so I had to rip off all the tags and hand them to the cashier.



I called home and told Truong I found another Horsey, so please take the old one and hide it. So now she's loving the new one so we can wash the old one and get them both to the same loved softness.

So that's my lovey story. On the one hand I'm glad she's found something to give her comfort at night. On the other, I live in fear of something happening to him. At least I've got one back-up. I'm still looking for another one so if anyone runs across Horsey #3, please send him my way. I'll pay for postage of course. (But not $50!)