Can't we all just get along?

Stop fighting. Stop fighting. Stop fighting.

The kids need to stop fighting. If Malia could hold more eloquent conversations, I swear they'd fight about the color of the sky. Or if the grass was just green or very green. Or if Mommy is my mommy or MY MOMMY.

Malia wants everything Kael has. Doesn't matter if she's got the same damn thing. If Kael is touching it, she wants it. Of course I don't give it to her. If he's playing with it, then it's his. However, when he's done with fiddling with whatever he's fiddling with, I'll ask that he give it to her. Lately, I've seen him taunt her with the thing and when he's done with it, he'll place it way up high on a counter or shelf and say: "Here Malia. It's yours. If you can reach it!" and then he prances away laughing while Malia screams in frustration. At this point, I just hunch my head down further into my shoulders and do my dead set best to ignore them. I can't intervene for the rest of my living days. She's going to have to deal with him at some point in her life.

Then the tables get turned. Malia will have a prized item and Kael, knowing that he's bigger and stronger, will usually snatch it away from her. In the past I've had to reprimand him and make him give it back. But Malia's caught on: she now has a death grip on it and as soon as she sees him coming with that crazed that's-my-toy look on his face, she spins the other way (usually towards me, the stinker) and runs for all she's worth, while screaming "mine-mine-mine" at the top of her lungs. (BTW, everything is his toy so it's not as if she's digging into his prized possessions.) I usually then have to intervene to prevent Kael from tackling her to the ground and ripping the toy out of her fingers. Then I remind him "Remember when she wanted to play with XYZ and you didn't let her? Well, because you weren't so nice to her, she's not going to share now. You have to show her how to share and how to be nice so she will share and be nice to you."

Of course he doesn't get it (or doesn't remember): "She's not sharing, she's being not nice, she needs to get in trouble..." Or if he does remember, he says he was just kidding so she needs to share now. Doesn't help the situation in the least bit when Malia dances in front of him, waving the controversial contraband in front of his face, knowing that he can't physically take it away from her.

Oi.

Kael's new Get Out of Jail tactic is to say "I didn't mean to; it was an accident." For example (real life examples, I might say): he beans her with a stuffed bear ("I didn't mean to; it was an accident"); her turn with a toy and instead of handing it her, he tosses it way far away... in the opposite direction of where she's at ("I didn't mean to; it was an accident"); they're supposed to share water and he practically drowns himself, chugging it all to hand her an empty bottle ("I didn't mean to; it was an accident"). First of all, when you take aim, sight your target and have an evil smile on your face as you launch a teddy bear at your sister, it's no longer considered an accident. Nor is it an accident when you look to see where your sister is, turn 180 degrees and toss the toy away from her (the evil chuckling is also a dead giveaway). And it's certainly not an accident when you complain that your tummy hurts from drinking too much water.

Help me.

As much as I hate to admit it, a guaranteed no-fight time is when they watch TV together. Sure they fight about what show to watch (her: The Wonder Pets; him: anything BUT the Wonder Pets) but once the show's rolling, they actually sit together, sometimes even holding hands.

So I guess my choices for a peaceful household are:
(1) have the TV on 24/7; or

(2) start konking some heads together and hope the resulting headache will keep them from fighting.