The Double Whopper

Can I just say "Damn, it's hot!" Or maybe it should be "It's damn hot." Either way we roasted this weekend. It reached over 100 degrees and by the time the end of day slowly creeped up on us, everyone's patience was at an end.

Add on being pregnant but still trying to wear regular clothes because maternity doesn't fit yet, a very obstinate and opinionated 2 year old, and a nosy never-ending talking 4.5 year old, I was ready to pack it up and fly to Tahiti -- sans kids and husband. Well, I would have had to leave the husband behind anyway since he was golfing!

Anyway, on with the story. We decided to head over to Chevy's for dinner -- where we ran into the Bickmeier's. They were already eating otherwise we would have asked them to join us. Kael thought it was way cool to run into Josh and Malia was thrilled to see "Eh-rin" and "Kay-lin." Unfortunately she didn't understand why they left and wanted to go with them. And dinner went downhill from there. From Kael kicking off his shoes and losing it under the tables which resulted in him head diving underneath and almost landing on his face to Malia standing up and looking over the booth to look for the Bickmeiers and bugging other patrons in the process -- Truong and I were scarfing our food down so we could just leave. Service at Chevy's was less than stellar as usual so I sent Dad out with the kids while I paid. Upon finally getting to the car, the first thing Kael asks me is: "Mom, what's my business?"

I stopped and thought about it, trying to figure out where the question came from on my own, hoping to minimize further questioning on my part to reduce the chances of more questions on questions from him. Then it dawned on me: he was probably talking Truong's ear off, asking him all sorts of out-of-the-blue, random-assed questions (this was the primary reason why I sent Kael out with Truong - to give me a break from this) when Truong probably had enough and told Kael to "mind his own business."

OK. I admit that's not the best thing to say to a kid who's expressing his natural curiosity of the world. But crimony! You haven't had to spend all day with Kael and so haven't been subjected to all his questions!! I swear it's never ending. My brain gets tired and I admit I've said something very similar to what Truong said to him. Actually, my exact words have been: "You've used up all your questions for now, so shhh, no more questions!"

So back to Kael. He asked again: "What's my business? I don't know what my business is, Mom." I had to chuckle. It was really cute. I explained that his business was what he was doing at that moment. For example, right now, your business is getting in the car seat and buckling yourself in. When we get home, your business is to get ready for bed.

After that he didn't say anything. So I think I did good.

We get home and Truong starts cleaning the car out, Kael waters the plants, and I take Malia upstairs to get ready for bed. I come downstairs and go to the bathroom. I don't close the door. I haven't closed the bathroom door to pee since the end of college roommates -- old habits are hard to break. I'm peeing, and Kael wanders up. He looks at me then asks: "Mom, why do girls sit down to pee and boys stand up?"

I'm trapped on the toilet. Peeing. While sitting down. I can't escape him or do any of my other distraction methods. It's hard to think of something educational yet age appropriate while my hands are caught in the cookie jar, so to speak.

Suddenly the situation gets to me and I start laughing. He's totally confused but sort of laughing with me because I'm laughing really hard and it's contagious. He says: "Why are you laughing. Mom?" I tell him because I love him and he makes me laugh.

I've finish my pee and I'm stalling, trying to find the right moment to stand up. But it never comes because he asks again: "Girls sit down to pee, right? Why do they do that when boys stand up?" So I tell him: "Because girls have different pee parts from boys. You have penises (he calls it his 'peanut') and girls... don't." He just nods and then lifts his chin hoping to peer into the bowl to check out... my "don't parts." I wasn't going to teach him the word "vagina" -- can you imagine how mortified I'd be if he told his preschool class that his mom had a vagina and Mrs. Morin had to explain that to them??

Anyway, I hunch down and tell him to wait for me outside, please. He says OK but I can tell he's still trying to look. At that moment, I decide it's the perfect time to start teaching him about privacy and closed doors. And I made a mental note to watch the kids while showering. It may be time to have individual showers from now on.