How low can you go?

Malia's in a weird spot with her diapers. She's outgrown her size 3 Huggies Supremes lengthwise but a Huggies size 4 would have to be wrapped around her little waist and fastened by her hips. Ideally I'd like to purchase a size 3.5 Huggies -- and wouldn't have this blog post at all.

Maybe it's a Huggies issue so I bought a package of size 3 Pampers Cruisers. Here's the thing about diapers: despite what they print on the package about weight and sizing, not all diapers are created equal in terms of fit.

The Pampers are way huge on Malia -- it's huge all around. I really have to wrap that sucker around her to keep it on and it sags to her knees because she's got no hips and no waist (as in: no chub) for the thing to cling to. But the saggy-ness is OK because it's winter time and she's wearing onesies under everything and (thank god) she hasn't figured out how to unsnap the bottom snaps yet. The onesies play a dual role on Malia: it keeps her warm and it keeps her diaper on (reasons #87 and #121 why I like onesies).

Last night I was solo parenting and it was time for the kids' shower. Kael was already in and I just had to get Malia undressed (ha! easier said than done). I chased her down and took off her top. As her head popped out, she took off before I could strip off another layer of clothing. I catch her again and I take off her fleece pants and smell... something. But before I can discern what that smell is, she runs away again. It's now a game she's determined to win. I tackle her, pin her down and wrestle the onesie off her when I pinpoint the smell: a poopy diaper. I couldn't smell it before because of the fleece pants. But just in case, I stand her up to look down her backside. Dumb Mom Mistake #43: Never stand them up so they can run away when you really want them down. So I've got the onesie in my right hand and I fumble for her with my left but she manages to wiggle away (an easy task since she's barely a peanut of a baby) and takes off down the hall. The problem is without the onesie, the diaper sags. So my question: if a diaper sags when it's empty, how low can it go when it's got poop in it??

Answer: really really low. So low I could see crack. A distressing amount of crack.

I yell out: No Malia no!! Come back! Stop running!

She of course pays me no regard and takes off even faster. She's a really cute runner because everything moves: her arms flap, her knees don't bend so her legs are kind of stilty and her whole body bounces side to side. It's really cute. But it does no good when the diaper is barely hanging on.

Last night as I watched the poop laden diaper slip lower and lower down her backside as she ran away from me, I had a very real fear that:

1. it was going to completely fall off her hips and I'd have, well, shit everywhere;
   
   
2. in the process of losing her diaper, she'd trip and fall; and
   
   
3. being a Mai Baby, there'd be a 99.9% chance that she'd fall right into her poop, smearing it everywhere, thus making it go from "easy pickings nuggets" to "smeared into the carpet fiber skid marks."

All this flashed across my mind in a span of 3 seconds -- the amount of time it took for me to lunge at her, grab her arm to stop her running, and put my hand under the diaper.

Just in time to catch it as it finally broke loose.